Without Strings or a Drum

Insomnia
and so many thoughts
a lot of things
the way I wish they were not
but there's logic to why we've gotten here
and a braver me wouldn't shy
from the next few steps
and why

You want to see this
if it's real

my fear is that
it's not what you think
it's something less,
something more
something different

But no...

my fear is that
it's not what I think
something that
I never thought to be
am I only now discovering me

I want to show this
if it's real

my fear is that I'll fail - me

It's like I'm choosing to dance
though I know I don't know
going to try and fake the steps
though I know you know
try to lie to you
die to impress you

my fear is that I'll fail - you

the last thing I want to do

can't impress you with the impossible
though I try
I can't lie to you
as you can see right through

if only the right words I could say
they've all flown away
away like a bird
I don't think there's anything
you haven't already seen or heard

I've tried to impress you all along
without strings or a drum
refusing to sing you this song
so many words on oh so many pages
silent

I tried to impress you all along
with a bit of charm and wit
I always thought
your heart I'd almost hit
I find I missed the mark

can't fix my aim now
can't see the target
you've always hidden it so well
that's what's always impressed me
though I swore I'd never tell

I thought I was the one who saw
you through all you're defences
I was in awe

What I thought I could see in you
so beautiful and true
was but a shadow of what is
smoke and mirrors
a painted view
all along
now how to fix what's wrong

can't figure you out
no fight, no bout
no scream, no shout
just silence

I remember my last sight of you that night
and no way to tell if I'm wrong or right

my fear is that I am