I remember lightning and thunder storms when I was young and how I thought lightning bolts were the most amazing thing I’d even seen... I remember when we lived back in Ohio and how the lightning there is not in bolt form, it’s sheet lightning and lights the sky as bright as day for a few split seconds...
I remember the first time I heard this U2 song, "Bad", that is playing right now on my iTunes... And this emotional connection that I felt with the words that were sung and the tune wake things laid dormant for so many seasons, opening up a whole new world of imagination... This feeling continues on in smaller doses with every new song I love...
I remember that first time I had a crush on a girl, and I didn’t understand what it was all about, but all I wanted to do was be with her every moment that we were together, and if she didn’t want to play regular tag, but freeze tag, then I wanted to play freeze tag also. I believe it was love... So many things are love in life, but when we’re young we don’t understand (that’s the beginning of our understanding, it those first feelings that set us to pursue the quest of finding out what that is and how to keep it with us for the rest of our lives... I started Thirteen years ago and have yet to figure out the answer... but I’m getting there/closer/better) I think when we get to where I am now "almost old" things start falling into place... for some it happens early, for some it happens late, nothing wrong with either... there is no perfect age to love. I
It’s a process, that’s all I’m saying. And yes, I think it is better to have the close encounters, the heartbreaks and the alone time, to work out some personal issues. I think, in the long-run these do us an unmeasurable amount of good.
I remember standing by the sea and feeling the wind and the salt in the air, the sand beneath my feet, and being so in awe of how big and blue it all was... I remember...
I remember when I started caring what others thought of me... and realizing that I wanted to be like everyone else... ever since then, I’ve been trying to get back to just being me, because the worlds standards are cruel and petty and a lot of times unfair, unjust, hypocrisy...
I remember the night that God started making sense, and stopped being a fairytale, or just another story in a book. The actual thought that God really existed. Not that I’d ever doubted, I’d just never consciously thought about it. That happened about Three years after love jumped in...
I am reminded everyday that unselfishness makes for a much happier life, and simplicity is much less stressful...
I’m reminded that good friends, good food and good conversation are three of the best things in life.
I’m reminded that God is good and it is by his power and grace that the world turns and we wake every morning.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Afternoon
The clock ticks away the seconds as decisions are made. In the kitchen the rice is almost done. "To the coast," he said, "that’s where I must go, that’s where I belong, out on the sea..." "But will you ever come back?" she cried "What shall I do with myself when you’re gone?" "Come with me!" he says. But he knows in his heart she won’t, she can’t... There’s a few moments of silence, as he looks at her, then looks past her, it’s breaks his heart to leave, and breaks hers to stay. Finally he breaks the quiet... "Do what you must do. I cannot stay... when you are finished, leave word at the port, I will return. Hurry and finish." And he walked away... "Wait!" she cried. "You forgot your rice, you’ll starve."
Monday, March 24, 2008
A Collection of Things, Big and Small
Here is first something new from me, and second some text from "The Once And Future King" which I have been reading much of late. Enjoy.
...and I, in the dark, the one feared most
I, standing against the oncoming tides
holding back this dark host, I
No three hundred behind or before, only I
yet stand I, against the one most feared
I, feared by the one, that is feared by I
Surrounded. Helpless. Alone. I.
Against I. I stand. I falter. I fall.
Drowned. Crushed. Broken.
Yet again, I stand, yet again.
Ever I stand and ever I fall.
I, on my knees, for mercy I call
Not I, but grace, lifts me to stand
Yet again, I stand, yet again.
Though now, as I’ve long known
I may stand, yet not alone.
~
"They were to press the war home to its real lords-until they themselves were ready to refrain from warfare, being confronted with its reality." - "The Once And Future King" - T.H.White
"There is a thing called knowledge of the world, which people do not have until they are middle-aged. It is something which cannot be taught to younger people, because it is not logical and does not obey laws which are constant. It has no rules." - "The Once And Future King" - T.H.White
"Balance was the sixth sense, which she won when she first learned to walk, and now she has the seventh one --- knowledge of the world.
The slow discovery of the seventh sense, by which both men and women contrive to ride the waves of a world in which there is war, adultery, compromise, fear, stultification and hypocrisy --- this discovery is not a matter for triumph. The baby, perhaps, cries out triumphantly: I have balance! But the seventh sense is recognized without a cry. We only carry on with our famous knowledge of the world, riding the queer waves in a habitual, petrifying way, because we have reached a stage of deadlock in which we can think of nothing else to do.
And at this stage we begin to forget that there ever was a time when we lacked the seventh sense. We begin to forget, as we go stolidly balancing along, that there could have been a time when we were young bodies flaming with the impetus of life. It is hardly consoling to remember such a feeling and so it deadens in our minds.
But there was a time when each of us stood naked before the world, confronting life as a serious problem with which we were intimately and passionately concerned. There was a time when it was of vital interest to us to find out whether there was a God or not." - "The Once And Future King" - T.H.White
...and I, in the dark, the one feared most
I, standing against the oncoming tides
holding back this dark host, I
No three hundred behind or before, only I
yet stand I, against the one most feared
I, feared by the one, that is feared by I
Surrounded. Helpless. Alone. I.
Against I. I stand. I falter. I fall.
Drowned. Crushed. Broken.
Yet again, I stand, yet again.
Ever I stand and ever I fall.
I, on my knees, for mercy I call
Not I, but grace, lifts me to stand
Yet again, I stand, yet again.
Though now, as I’ve long known
I may stand, yet not alone.
~
"They were to press the war home to its real lords-until they themselves were ready to refrain from warfare, being confronted with its reality." - "The Once And Future King" - T.H.White
"There is a thing called knowledge of the world, which people do not have until they are middle-aged. It is something which cannot be taught to younger people, because it is not logical and does not obey laws which are constant. It has no rules." - "The Once And Future King" - T.H.White
"Balance was the sixth sense, which she won when she first learned to walk, and now she has the seventh one --- knowledge of the world.
The slow discovery of the seventh sense, by which both men and women contrive to ride the waves of a world in which there is war, adultery, compromise, fear, stultification and hypocrisy --- this discovery is not a matter for triumph. The baby, perhaps, cries out triumphantly: I have balance! But the seventh sense is recognized without a cry. We only carry on with our famous knowledge of the world, riding the queer waves in a habitual, petrifying way, because we have reached a stage of deadlock in which we can think of nothing else to do.
And at this stage we begin to forget that there ever was a time when we lacked the seventh sense. We begin to forget, as we go stolidly balancing along, that there could have been a time when we were young bodies flaming with the impetus of life. It is hardly consoling to remember such a feeling and so it deadens in our minds.
But there was a time when each of us stood naked before the world, confronting life as a serious problem with which we were intimately and passionately concerned. There was a time when it was of vital interest to us to find out whether there was a God or not." - "The Once And Future King" - T.H.White
Monday, March 10, 2008
Flying
In the fight between idealism, realism and fantasy, it's hard to find the balance point, each one has it's highs and lows, and I continuously rise and fall on these waves of fairytales, fables, and dreams in my head, as they beg to be believed, to be freed from the ranks of pretend.
Reality has a heavier hand, it grounds me on an island, reminding me, time and again that there are some things in life that are not open for discussion.
But there's comfort in having your feet on the ground, and sometimes I wonder what it is that makes one decide to leave earth and take that idealistic flight upwards? As much of a rush as it is to fly, there's always that fear of, and the knowledge that you will, come back down...
I willingly jump in, headfirst flying, diving deep down through the clouds, below the sea, over jungles, along the great rivers - the roads of the world, and everything between, I run down the sandy beaches of time, before it all unwinds and I find...
I am home.
Reality has a heavier hand, it grounds me on an island, reminding me, time and again that there are some things in life that are not open for discussion.
But there's comfort in having your feet on the ground, and sometimes I wonder what it is that makes one decide to leave earth and take that idealistic flight upwards? As much of a rush as it is to fly, there's always that fear of, and the knowledge that you will, come back down...
I willingly jump in, headfirst flying, diving deep down through the clouds, below the sea, over jungles, along the great rivers - the roads of the world, and everything between, I run down the sandy beaches of time, before it all unwinds and I find...
I am home.
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