Pieces of Art or of a Ticklish Heart

This is a mess, but to much to just erase. So you may view them, in all their shattered thought processes and maybe someday I'll expound on one or more. Enjoy.

There were moments
not so long ago
I dreamed of things
I never thought would be true
things that only live in dreams
not existing is this world it seems
and though I can't remember it all
I think it was of you, I dreamed
of things we'd do
of places we'd go

happiness is ignorance
as we live, we learn
studying to make ourselves sick
trying to extend our dying moments
by a hundred or more years

my heart headed west years ago
leaving me alone in tears
as it wanders the coast
I'm still sittin here waitin
for it to come home
come on home
and don't leave me alone
can't you see I miss you
can't you hear it in my voice
see it reflected in your eyes

I'm finding out a few new things
about wizards, kings and golden rings

I have a ticklish heart
I can't help but laugh
even as it tears me apart

every tear has a solitary meaning
this one is happy, that one sad
every fear has it's own tear
from the past years
I wanna torch the fears
burn them all away

she played chopsticks
and I tapped my foot in time
no matter the words we spoke
we couldn't help but rhyme

Imaginating, Imitating, Immobilising

Take this brush, this quill
paint us all some imagery
as the words become
photos in our heads
little pictures
snapshots in our minds
of far of places
long lost times

missing those moments
we'll rise and fall with the waves
and when we return to shore
we'll try it again once more
to find happiness, to be saved

build another life
based on another dream
a different dream, yet not so strange
will this stand or fall against the waves
swept once more out to sea
swept once more out to dream

dreaming as we float away
miles away from all we once knew
all we once thought we knew
you knew me and I knew you
neither one could comprehend the view

surging round in this whirlpool of life
fighting hard to live without strife
no war, we want peace
or something close at least

somewhere in the night we fight
you win, I wander
vanquished, on my own
I return , we atone
I'll not leave you alone

The Clocks Are Ticking. Time And Again.

making time
taking time
sometimes
faking time

time to talk
time to waken
time to remember
time to pretend

time to believe
or forget
time to walk away
or stand

do you have time to lend a hand?
do you have a hand to lend some time?
the eye has time to to judge in the second
echoing through the next hundred moments
denial also takes a second
echoing through eternity

time to sleep
time to weep
whisper
fear
is that a tear?

more time now to be happy or sad
but things really haven’t changed over time
time was, when we were simple, but no more glad
there are times when we all get mad

one can’t buy it
it’s more valuable than gold
no one owns it
and it’s not something you can accept or reject
but it’s a gift we’re all given
to invest as we must
as we learn time and time again

where and when is time for love...

12:03am April 3rd 2008

I Remember

I remember lightning and thunder storms when I was young and how I thought lightning bolts were the most amazing thing I’d even seen... I remember when we lived back in Ohio and how the lightning there is not in bolt form, it’s sheet lightning and lights the sky as bright as day for a few split seconds...

I remember the first time I heard this U2 song, "Bad", that is playing right now on my iTunes... And this emotional connection that I felt with the words that were sung and the tune wake things laid dormant for so many seasons, opening up a whole new world of imagination... This feeling continues on in smaller doses with every new song I love...

I remember that first time I had a crush on a girl, and I didn’t understand what it was all about, but all I wanted to do was be with her every moment that we were together, and if she didn’t want to play regular tag, but freeze tag, then I wanted to play freeze tag also. I believe it was love... So many things are love in life, but when we’re young we don’t understand (that’s the beginning of our understanding, it those first feelings that set us to pursue the quest of finding out what that is and how to keep it with us for the rest of our lives... I started Thirteen years ago and have yet to figure out the answer... but I’m getting there/closer/better) I think when we get to where I am now "almost old" things start falling into place... for some it happens early, for some it happens late, nothing wrong with either... there is no perfect age to love. I

It’s a process, that’s all I’m saying. And yes, I think it is better to have the close encounters, the heartbreaks and the alone time, to work out some personal issues. I think, in the long-run these do us an unmeasurable amount of good.

I remember standing by the sea and feeling the wind and the salt in the air, the sand beneath my feet, and being so in awe of how big and blue it all was... I remember...

I remember when I started caring what others thought of me... and realizing that I wanted to be like everyone else... ever since then, I’ve been trying to get back to just being me, because the worlds standards are cruel and petty and a lot of times unfair, unjust, hypocrisy...

I remember the night that God started making sense, and stopped being a fairytale, or just another story in a book. The actual thought that God really existed. Not that I’d ever doubted, I’d just never consciously thought about it. That happened about Three years after love jumped in...

I am reminded everyday that unselfishness makes for a much happier life, and simplicity is much less stressful...

I’m reminded that good friends, good food and good conversation are three of the best things in life.

I’m reminded that God is good and it is by his power and grace that the world turns and we wake every morning.

Afternoon

The clock ticks away the seconds as decisions are made. In the kitchen the rice is almost done. "To the coast," he said, "that’s where I must go, that’s where I belong, out on the sea..." "But will you ever come back?" she cried "What shall I do with myself when you’re gone?" "Come with me!" he says. But he knows in his heart she won’t, she can’t... There’s a few moments of silence, as he looks at her, then looks past her, it’s breaks his heart to leave, and breaks hers to stay. Finally he breaks the quiet... "Do what you must do. I cannot stay... when you are finished, leave word at the port, I will return. Hurry and finish." And he walked away... "Wait!" she cried. "You forgot your rice, you’ll starve."

A Collection of Things, Big and Small

Here is first something new from me, and second some text from "The Once And Future King" which I have been reading much of late. Enjoy.

...and I, in the dark, the one feared most
I, standing against the oncoming tides
holding back this dark host, I
No three hundred behind or before, only I
yet stand I, against the one most feared
I, feared by the one, that is feared by I
Surrounded. Helpless. Alone. I.
Against I. I stand. I falter. I fall.
Drowned. Crushed. Broken.
Yet again, I stand, yet again.
Ever I stand and ever I fall.
I, on my knees, for mercy I call
Not I, but grace, lifts me to stand
Yet again, I stand, yet again.
Though now, as I’ve long known
I may stand, yet not alone.

~

"They were to press the war home to its real lords-until they themselves were ready to refrain from warfare, being confronted with its reality." - "The Once And Future King" - T.H.White

"There is a thing called knowledge of the world, which people do not have until they are middle-aged. It is something which cannot be taught to younger people, because it is not logical and does not obey laws which are constant. It has no rules." - "The Once And Future King" - T.H.White

"Balance was the sixth sense, which she won when she first learned to walk, and now she has the seventh one --- knowledge of the world.

The slow discovery of the seventh sense, by which both men and women contrive to ride the waves of a world in which there is war, adultery, compromise, fear, stultification and hypocrisy --- this discovery is not a matter for triumph. The baby, perhaps, cries out triumphantly: I have balance! But the seventh sense is recognized without a cry. We only carry on with our famous knowledge of the world, riding the queer waves in a habitual, petrifying way, because we have reached a stage of deadlock in which we can think of nothing else to do.

And at this stage we begin to forget that there ever was a time when we lacked the seventh sense. We begin to forget, as we go stolidly balancing along, that there could have been a time when we were young bodies flaming with the impetus of life. It is hardly consoling to remember such a feeling and so it deadens in our minds.

But there was a time when each of us stood naked before the world, confronting life as a serious problem with which we were intimately and passionately concerned. There was a time when it was of vital interest to us to find out whether there was a God or not." - "The Once And Future King" - T.H.White

Flying

In the fight between idealism, realism and fantasy, it's hard to find the balance point, each one has it's highs and lows, and I continuously rise and fall on these waves of fairytales, fables, and dreams in my head, as they beg to be believed, to be freed from the ranks of pretend.
Reality has a heavier hand, it grounds me on an island, reminding me, time and again that there are some things in life that are not open for discussion.
But there's comfort in having your feet on the ground, and sometimes I wonder what it is that makes one decide to leave earth and take that idealistic flight upwards? As much of a rush as it is to fly, there's always that fear of, and the knowledge that you will, come back down...

I willingly jump in, headfirst flying, diving deep down through the clouds, below the sea, over jungles, along the great rivers - the roads of the world, and everything between, I run down the sandy beaches of time, before it all unwinds and I find...
I am home.